Things open up on a cold winter night with Alice and Russell, a young couple who are on a first date. Things progress from chaste, jewelry-commercial kissing to heavy petting and even heavier biting back at her apartment, taking the phrase “I want all of you inside me” to a very cannibalistic level.
Fast forward to the morning after with Sam talking to Alice’s roommate and getting the inside scoop. As it turns out, Alice and Russell eat each other to death. Making things even more interesting, Alice would have been very unlikely to take a guy back to her apartment since Alice was a virgin with a Jonas Brothers promise ring and all that jazz.
Sam reports back to Dean who is more laid back than usual. When Dean claims that his formerly-favorite holiday, Valentine’s Day (which he re-dubbed “Unattached Drifter Christmas”) has lost its luster for him, Sam becomes concerned.
Meanwhile, across town, a man named Jim has just started dating a girl named Janice and is obsessed with checking his phone for messages and texts from her. His co-worker chides him for being whipped when Janice walks in, asking Jim where the hell he’s been and freaking out that he just can’t choose work over him. Jim’s co-worker mouths off to Crazy Pants Janice and she shoots him point blank in the chest. Janice then launches into a teary confession that she can’t stand to be apart from him and Jim feels the same way, fearing that work, life, and now probably jail will come between them. However, Jim has an idea how they can stay together forever: A sweet little thing called Double Suicide.
Posing as Agents Cliff and Marley, Sam and Dean hang out for awhile at the city morgue with Dr. Corbin, a portly older man who seems to have quite a bit of fun with his job. He allows them to take a look at the “leftovers” of the decedents that he has in the fridge. Lo and behold, the hearts of all of the victims have identical markings. Castiel literally appears on the scene and confirms that the markings are angelic script. More specifically, they’re a mark of union for man and woman intended to mate. Castiel then surmises that the culprit behind these murders is a Cupid gone rogue (like Sarah Palin). What human myth has mistaken for Cupid is actually a Cherub, Third Class, and in spite of the fact that they are seen wearing diapers, Castiel adamantly tells Dean that they are not incontinent.
In order to catch this Cupid in the act, the Winchester boys and Castiel have dinner at a “nexus of human reproduction” — a fancy, jacket-required restaurant where Cupid lust-ifies a couple. Castiel steps outside to work some mojo commanding Cupid manifest himself and he does, popping up behind Dean with a giddy bear hug. Apparently, the “cherub handshake” is a gregarious version of a soul hug. Making things even more uncomfortable, this hyper-affectionate, pudgy angel is butt naked.
Castiel tells Cupid that he knows that the humans he’s marked as intendeds are murdering each other and believes something nefarious is afoot. Cupid breaks down in tears, insisting it wasn’t him. He loves love and if that’s wrong, he doesn’t want to be right. He’s just making his rounds and following Heaven’s orders, matching up couples that The Powers That Be. He also divulges that “the John and Mary Winchester union was a top priority for Heaven” and that orders were clear that Sam and Dean had to be born. Angered about being further confronted with this destiny schpiel, Dean tries to punch Cupid and hurts his hand. He also hurts Cupid’s feelings and the chubby naked guy disappears.
Back at the morgue, Sam and Dean put in a visit and Dr. Corbin shows him the latest arrival: a dude who committed Death by Twinkie, jamming snack cakes down his gob until his stomach band burst who then began cramming them down his throat with a toilet brush. He gives the boys the straight dope that in the past couple days, there have been eight suicides and 19 O.D.s, which is really uncharacteristic for this time of year.
Sam notices that there’s a creepy, skinny balding guy in a suit with a briefcase is seen walking around all over the place. Sam confronts him and recognizes him as an angel… Or a demon, slicing him with the knife before Men In Black demon/angel recognizes him as a Winchester before taking off.
Sam brings back the abandoned briefcase that Men In Black demon dropped and a blinding light flies out that Castiel clarifies is a human soul. He tells the boys that Famine is afoot. Famine, as in one of the Four Horsemen. The town is ravenous and nearly everyone in has been consumed with a hunger, explaining the nature of the death — Even Castiel who’s chowing down on burgers by the bag full, apparently, the vice of choice of Castiel’s vessel. All of the people who died, committed suicide, or succumbed to Death by Twinkie all found themselves plagued by the things they craved most, be it love or even food. This is totally Famine’s M.O.
Between bites of burger, Castiel tells Sam and Dean that Famine must devour the souls of his victims. Lucifer sent his demons to take care of Famine and feed him, getting him ready for his march across the land. The Winchester boys ponder how to take out Famine, recalling how they took out one of the other Four Horsemen, War. Last time, they cut off the ring that War wore and Dean wonders aloud if Famine has a class ring, too.” Castiel says that Famine does have a ring, but right now, there’s a slight crimp in plans to go after the Horseman when Sam is also affected by Famine’s touch, finding his craving for demon blood has returned. Sam going somewhere else wouldn’t rectify the problem, but would just spread Famine’s disease elsewhere. This time, Dean and Castiel must face Famine alone and lock Dean down Wolf Man-style in the bathroom until they can quell his craving.
Famine, as it turns out, is a withered old man in a black suit, plopped into a motorized wheelchair with a breathing tube. He’s none too pleased with Bald Men In Black Demon for losing the delicious soul of Death By Twinkie dude. In lieu of the cream-filling flavored soul, Famine snatches Bald Demon Guy’s soul from his vessel and gobbles it up. Mmm-mmm good!
To bait Famine, Dean and Castiel head to Dr. Corbin’s morgue and discover that the good doctor is dead. A co-worker told them that Corbin had been for 20 years and then went home and drank himself to death for no real reason. Castiel notices that Dr. Corbin’s soul hasn’t been harvested yet and this will be great bait for Famine.
Back at the hotel, more Men In Black Famine henchemen come for Sam and he attacks, draining the female of blood and then sending the male flying backwards to save for snacking later.
While staking out Famine’s digs, a local greasy spoon, Castiel asks Dean what his hunger is, wondering why Dean is the only one who hasn’t been affected. Dean insists that he has none. When he wants to drink, eat, or have sex… He does it. He’s just really in touch with his id. Dean goes to explore and Castiel doesn’t have his back since Castiel has got his face in a vat of raw hamburger meat, feeding his addiction. Dean gets captured and treated to Famine’s speech that “hunger doesn’t just come from the body, it comes from the soul.” Looking into Dean’s soul, Famine sees Dean as a hollow, broken being who keeps fighting as an almost mechanical response even though he knows the Apocalypse is a fight he can’t win. Dean is dead inside. (Hey, a trip to Hell complete with 300 years of torture can do that to a guy.)
Sam shows up in the nick of time, full and recharged from the delicious snack that Famine provided for him. Famine tells Sam he’s the exception to the rule, just the way Satan wanted him to be and cannot die from drinking too much blood, unlike everyone else who will die from their addictions. When Famine encourages him to drink his MIB demons’ blood, Sam conquers his hunger and sucks their souls out. Since he won’t drink the blood, Famine makes use of the souls and ingests them himself. While it temporarily strengthens Famine, Dean is able to use those demon souls to suck them out and destroy the Horseman.
Afterwards, the Winchesters and Castiel head back to their hotel room and Sam is in some agonizing throes of detox. Meanwhile, Dean has a well-deserved drink or three, then goes outside for a good cry looking skyward and asking The Almighty to please help him be able to feel again. Whether or not Dean is able to get in touch with his feelings will have to wait until Thursday March 25th when Supernatural returns from yet another month-long hiatus.
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